A MESSAGE FROM LE BOYALE
THE 3 STAGES OF LOSING FRIENDSHIPS
ON QUITTING ALCOHOL
The other day I was doom scrolling Instagram when this post popped up on my feed: 10 Tips to Getting Sober.
I usually wouldn’t humor such a post because I think sobriety influencers are all narcissistic charlatan hustlers—with one obvious exception (I’m a comedian not a fucking sobriety influencer, btw). However, humor it I did.
As you can imagine, it was the usual trope. Don’t go to bars, start fucking yoga, some shit about goals. But there was one “tip” that really pissed me off. It said to “change your friends”.
This really fucking annoyed me because anyone who has given up drinking knows that after about six months of sobriety, “your friends” leave voluntarily. The only effort you have to put into changing friends is remaining sober. In fact, if you remain sober long enough, you’ll eventually reach the Holy Grail—no friends at all.
When I quit drinking, I was well aware that the foundation of most of my friendships was booze. What I wasn’t prepared for was how quickly those friendships ceased to exist without alcohol.
You see, your “friends” will give you three chances to start drinking again before they disappear. The first time, they’ll invite you out as a sober cunt. They don’t actually believe you’ve quit so they try to pressure you to get off the wagon. “Just have one, ya pussy.”
The second time, they see that things are looking dire. They can sense they’re losing you, but they pretend to be proud and supportive. One of your friends will probably say something like, “Nah, we are proud of ya mate, it’s awesome… I’ve been thinking of cutting back myself”. They fucking haven’t, but they can’t think of anything else to say to your boring ass.
The third and final time your friends ask you out with them is to say goodbye. They know they’ve lost you. It’s a sad occasion for all and when you tell them you’re heading home early, they don’t even pretend to convince you to stay. “Yeah mate, it’s getting a bit late for you, need me to order you an Uber?”
I remember one particular night out in Cairns, with three of my best drinking buddies. I was about eight months sober and had only caught up with them a couple of times since I quit. At one stage, I’d had a few too many Diet Cokes so I went to use the toilet. When I came back out, they were gone. They had moved on to the next bar.
Their was no malicious intent, they weren’t trying to ditch me, they just forgot I was there. It was a strange new reality for me because it was me who was usually forgetting about them.
Yes, I’m afraid sobriety will be the end of road for you and most of your friends. You might see them every now and then, if they need a designated driver or something, but they will mostly fade into the background as you begin forming a new friendship group with the people from yoga.
NEW ON THE PATREON
This weeks AMA was sent by Taz Core, a great supporter of the pod and the chick who shat on the sidewalk in Germany in a Fucked Up Friday many moons ago.
Taz's question is:
"Imagine you could go back in time and tell 15-year-old Boyle anything… what would it be? In other words, despite the fact that you have turned out perfectly now… what is one thing you wish you could change/hadn’t done?"
CHECK OUT HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE POD
On Day 33 of Boyle’s sobriety, he dodges a shot of alcohol at a dinner party and decides that not being a loud, attention-seeking drunk isn’t that bad after all. Also, thinks he has some nervous ticks.
Listen on your preferred podcast app:
SPOTIFY | APPLE PODCASTS | GOOGLE PODCASTS | STITCHER | BULLHORN
If you’re not signed up to the Patreon, well, you can’t watch this. But for just the price of a pint a month ($8 AUD), you too can become part of my community. Hit the link below: